Ah, Halloween, the only time of year where parents actively encourage their children to develop diabetes. It’s also that time of year where nerds like me start paying a little more attention to all things horror related. So to celebrate, I thought I’d talk about what freaks me out the most in all forms of media, and some of these probably weren’t intended to be scary.
Infection/Corruption of the Body
Zombies are probably the most common form of this practice, and certainly one of the scariest. Regular people who through some form of disease become bloodthirsty monsters that tear society apart. Other examples include Ridley Scott’s Alien, which has John Hurt’s character fall victim to the Xenomorph’s rather disgusting life-cycle. He is raped, impregnated and forced to give birth to the offspring through his ribcage. But probably the scariest example is John Carpenter’s The Thing. It introduces us to an intelligent organism that can control every cell in its body, and can infect and assimilate foreign cells in order to reproduce. Not only that, but it can perfectly mimic the physical features and behaviour of any organism it assimilates, creating a perfect copy. One Thing cell is enough to corrupt the entire body, and slowly but surely that unlucky person will turn into a monster and his friends won’t even know it’s happened. In many ways this shares similarities to a Zombie infection, but in this case the zombie is intelligent and methodical, and there is almost no way to tell who’s infected and who’s not. The concept of what is essentially a “thinking disease” really shook me up for some time after watching the film. I had nightmares where I’d walk into the kitchen to get a drink, take a sip, and look down at the glass to see a pool of blood at the bottom. Then tentacles started bursting out of my chest and mouth, engulfing my entire body. On a completely unrelated note, all my glasses are REALLY clean.
EYES!!!
Show me guts, show me gore, and I won’t even flinch. But mess with someone’s eyes in any way and I’ll squeal like a little girl. I’m not a fan of the Saw movies and their particular brand of horror, but there is one scene in Saw 2 where Jigsaw has placed the key to escape the trap behind the victim’s eye. In order to retrieve the key, the poor guy had to cut his own eye out. Now, a friend tells me he never actually does it, and the trap kills him instead. But I wouldn’t know, because I practically flew out of my seat and then the room with one hand clamped very tightly over my face. This was an attempt to stop the scalpel from coming out of the screen and cutting out my own eyes, which could have happened and isn’t insane, so stop judging me! Hostel wasn’t exactly fun and games up to this point, but at the point where they showed you some poor Japanese lady with her eye dangling out of its socket, I was done with Hostel. I have to admit this “eye thing” I have extends beyond gory moments in horror movies. ANYTHING to do with eyes freaks me out. I don’t need vision correction, but still I think it’s worth pointing out that I will NEVER use contact lenses, EVER! Even watching someone else casually pop them in makes me feel ill…..maybe I should talk to a professional about this….
Over-Cuteness
…What do you mean how is this scary? Look at that puppy! Look at it straight in the eyes and tell me it isn’t scary! … No?….OK. Look, I’m human; if I see a tiny little kitten or a puppy it will bring a smile to my face. But extreme levels of cuteness just unsettles me. I wish there was a word I could use to describe the way it makes me feel. It’s like it’s so cute, that it flips back around to being horrific. The first half hour of Happy Feet might as well be the opening to Saving Private Ryan in my eyes. All those dancing and singing baby penguins, spreading joy and happiness, IT’S NOT RIGHT! Tweety can f**k off too, that yellow, demon hell-bird. Sylvester wasn’t evil, he just saw what I saw, an abomination that needed to be removed from society. Yet, every time, that freaky talking drumstick was permitted to continue living and haunt my darkest dreams.
There’s Something in the Water
A slightly more sane fear now, which I’m sure many of you can relate to. Sharks, piranha,…jellyfish, basically anything that is even a tad dangerous in an underwater setting sends chills down my spine. Open Water is one the most scary experiences I’ve had in cinema. Two divers abandoned at sea, left to float on the surface with no idea what could be lurking beneath them. The film never really shows you all that much, but because my imagination was filling in the details, it made it ten times worse. This phobia of mine can rear its head in other less obvious ways. In video games I can’t stand swimming in areas where creatures are actively trying to kill me, even if they aren’t intended to be scary. One of the Ninja Gaiden games had a section where it was necessary to cross water where these huge fish were patrolling, ready to gobble me up at any second. Ninja Gaiden has no intention of scaring you with anything other than its difficulty. Yet I swear I was more scared during those moments than most survival horror games. Many of the Tomb Raider games have sections where you’re swimming underwater with sharks. And during these levels my hands are clamped so tightly around my controller I’m afraid I’ll snap it in two. I think it’s the feeling of being completely out of my element that scares me so much. On land, dangerous things can happen, but I feel much more in control. In water I’m in an alien and unfamiliar environment and my movement is extremely restricted. Whatever else is out there with me, I’m playing by their rules not mine. I have no advantage, no way out, I’m truly trapped.
I so there you have it, you all now know exactly how to get under my skin. When you finally meet me in person, no doubt many of you will start stroking on the inside of your eyes or bring that pet chihuahua of yours just to mess with me. The more creative amongst you might film a movie about an infectious disease that is spread by poking people in the eye, turning them into incredible adorable monsters……also sharks. But until then, please share with me some of your own personal fears, the weirder the better. Happy Halloween everyone!
If only I’d known this before I met you at Eurogamer – although a cute, infected shark with freaky eyes might have garnered a few odd looks on the underground…
Interesting to find out what scares you – I share your dread of eyes (the bit in Kill Bill Volume 2 where the Bride… well, the very thought of it makes me shudder), and I’ve felt very uncomfortable while in an underwater level, I think largely because attack can come from any direction, and it’s more or less impossible to watch every angle effectively.
Infection – while this is obviously pretty scary in real life (ebola, anyone?), I’ve not come across a case in a video game that has the same effect. TV and films, now – well, I tend to avoid anything overly scary because I’m a big jessie…
I don’t quite get the cute animals thing, though, although an excess of cute can make me feel a tad nauseated – but anything in which someone refers to Tweety Pie as a yellow demon hell-bird is alright with me.
I’m with you with the eyes but I also have a big problem with fingernails. Loose fingernail that you can fold backwards? EEEEEEK, get away from me!
And when ever I see a film or a show about contagious illnesses I go all hypochondriac for a week, looking for any sign of illness on me and other people.
I am completely the same when it comes to eyes. Slicing the eye, people having thumbs shoved into their eye sockets, i literally can’t watch and have the illogical tendency to shield my own eyes in case i were to be attacked by the tv. Something I’ve grown very bored of is the obligatory ‘double take in a window’s reflection’ scene or the ‘lets watch them splash water on their face in front of a mirror’ scene.
Extreme cheese scares me more than anything!!! How many potentially great Japanese films have been ruined by the obligatory whimsy? ARRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!!
But on a more serious note… I’m terrified of the dark!
Not in the sense of the dark we all experience post 8pm everyday (after all I can sleep with the light off!!! YAY FOR ME!), but the kind of Silent Hill dark. The kind that suffocates and takes over your being…. Nasty stuff!